thewaywardfox:

protip: if you cant remember someones name, just call them “old sport”

high-blogging:

lameborghini:

will commit illegal crimes in exchange for mozzarella sticks

illegal crimes

twiistz:

i met a girl with 12 nipples
sounds funny
dozen tit

metaphorically:

i was crying in my car in front of the mcdonalds near my house eating french fries and listening to my sad playlist in the car and a black guy tapped on my window and just gave me life changing advice “its going to be ok lil nigga you can do it” 

akane-tamru:

Today my sister asked me for a glass of cold water and i sarcastically asked her “how cold” and she said “as frigid as your love life”

(Source: the-vashta-nerada)

emporbooty:

gamblingemperor:

emporbooty:

gamblingemperor:

1324 FOLLOWERS IM LAUGHING SO HARD ITS IN ORDER

1324 is not in order Matt

ITS 2 AM AND IM NOT EVEN GOOD AT SCIENCE IN THE FIRST PLACE

Science

(Source: judesoldblog)

sailorkunt:

HELP